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Nineteen

by R.J. O'Hara

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1.
A body lying in the sand Flowers in her blood-stained hand Close her eyes and wrap her in a bag She’s too small to hold a gun or a flag A man who loses everything Answers to no holy king But those who stood and watched the falling bombs Will answer for his grief in years to come Don’t bring a gun to a war for the hearts and minds of children Don’t forget the difference between freedom and fear This cannot end until people understand The answers to your question are buried in the sand A body lying in the street Hot debris around her feet A victim of a victim of a world That spurned a man and took his little girl Don’t bring a gun to a war for the hearts and minds of children Don’t forget the difference between freedom and fear This all will end when people understand The answers to your question are buried in the sand
2.
My friend doesn’t talk as loud as other people do But inside all he wants to do is shout Sometimes he feels like the walls are closing around him And no one cares enough to pull him out He’s afraid that no one will understand If he tries to explain what’s in his head So he doesn’t talk to anybody He just buries it down deep and spends the day in bed He doesn’t believe me when I say That other people are here to help him along So just tell him he’s not alone He’s not the only one who feels this way It’s a long and lonely road But together it’s a little less lonely If we all just let him know He’s not the only one who’s crying today Maybe he would feel okay Maybe we all would feel okay I am not what you would call a confident person I feel like everything I do is wrong I’m scared of what other people think of me So I hide behind a made-up friend in a song You know that I know But I just need to hear it out loud So just tell me I’m not alone I’m not the only one who feels this way It’s a long and lonely road But together it’s a little less lonely (I’m lost, I’m scared, I’m so alone Please take please take please take me home I just can’t do this on my own I can’t hold on forever) If you all just let me know I’m not the only one who’s crying today Maybe I would feel okay I just wanna get through today (Don’t pretend it’s okay We all feel this way Just breathe in deep and say Tomorrow is another day)
3.
I bought a record today It’s by this indie band called Neutral Milk Hotel I think that you would like it a lot They’re quite experimental, but the tunes are catchy as well Being away from you is hard, but I don’t mind ‘Cause I know we’ve got plenty of time But you’ve been on my mind tonight And I just called to say I love you We had a fight today I ignored fourteen of your calls while I was out with my friends I said I’d make it up to you I know you’re pissed off right now but we’re always okay in the end And all of this shit won’t matter when I hold you in my arms And you know that you’re where you’re supposed to be But I really miss your stupid face and I just called to say I love you I got a phone call today I didn’t recognise the voice on the other line She said to sit down for a while Then confirmed the thought that had crept into my mind As hard as it is to understand I know that you are gone I can’t keep fooling myself for long But I can still hear your voice on the answerphone So I’ll just call and say I love you As if you didn’t already know
4.
Come On, Fay 04:41
When Teddy met Fay she took his breath away He tried to say hello and she gave him a smile He though ‘if angels exist, they must look something like this’ When she turned to leave, he asked her to stay a while Now Teddy could swear he fell in love then and there As he looked at the way the moon lit up her face He thought ‘Teddy, be a man’, took her by the hand And said ‘Fay, do ya think you wanna go someplace?’ Come on, Fay, don’t ya worry I could never let a damn thing happen to you You don’t need to be in such a hurry Just take my hand and I’ll show you what we can do Now Fay and Teddy, they started going steady Happier than they had ever been She made him feel that true love was real And he showed her things that she’d never seen When the nights were hot he would take her out to the lake One night he took off his clothes and jumped in When he beckoned to Fay, she turned her head away And said ‘come on Teddy, you know I can’t swim’ And Teddy said Come on, Fay, don’t ya trust me? What did I tell you when we first met? I’ve been wonderin’ if this is love and I think it must be You can do anything, baby, now that’s a bet In the back of Teddy’s car, looking up at the stars Underneath a blanket, cuddled up tight Fay looked at her man, held him by the hand And said ‘oh baby, what a beautiful night’ Then Teddy leaned in, gently stroked her chin Kissed her hard and ran a hand up her thigh She said ‘wait a minute, Teddy. I’m not sure I’m ready’ That’s when he got a strange look in his eye and said Come on, Fay, don’t ya love me? Don’t ya wanna show me how much you care? Why are you acting like you’re scared of me? You can’t keep doing this to me, you know it ain’t fair Teddy was strong, she couldn’t stop him for long He held her down hard to stop her cryin’ aloud When he rolled off of Fay, he asked if she was okay But she didn’t make a sound Come on, Fay, can you hear me? I didn’t mean to hurt you, I guess I got carried away Stop it, babe, you’re really starting to scare me This ain’t funny, just tell me that you’re okay Come on, Fay Just open your eyes
5.
My grandfather was born right here in Gibson Last week he died in that same hospital bed Now he’s buried in the cemetery one hundred yards away In sixty-eight years that’s as far as he could get The people here they know my name ‘Those Dixon boys, they’re all the same’ My family like to fight and they like to drink I’m just another dirty, no-good punk Ain’t never gonna amount to much Well it drives me crazy when I start to think This is the place where I was born And this is the place where I will die I’ll stay right here till kingdom come The trees, the rocks, and I I’ll get married to some bitch and have some children And if they’ve got any sense they’ll run away ‘Cause that asshole Jim O’Toole who used to beat me up in school Well he’ll probably be their gym teacher one day This is the place where I was born And this is the place where I will die I’ll stay right here till kingdom come The trees, the rocks, and I The only bright lights I will see Will be on a police car There’s a whole world outside of Tennessee But I won’t ever get that far ‘Cause they’ve already picked a grave for me Right beside my ma and pa The only way I’m gonna leave Is when my spirit departs Sometimes I’ll watch the news up on the T.V. The outside world just seems so wrong Those queers and ragheads make me sick I guess I’m just a slack-jawed hick And Gibson’s the only place that I belong This is the place where I was born And this is the place where I will die I’ll stay right here till kingdom come The trees, the rocks, and I
6.
Set Me Free 04:56
You can come over anytime you want I will be waiting, whether you do or not I know this is no way to live my life But you’re the only thing that I can dream of I told you to trust me I really thought you could People had hurt you so many times before I swore I never would When you told me just to stay the hell away What am I supposed to think when you talk to me today? I don’t know exactly what I mean to you But to me you are the sun, moon, and stars I wanna get up now, but you’re standing in my way You hold my hand, you stare into my eyes But goodnight is all you can say When you say that you love me I don’t know what that means I’ve analysed every fucking thing that you’ve said to me And I’m tearing at the seams Don’t stand there if you don’t intend to stay Don’t say that you miss me when it’s you that walked away You mean so much But I can’t take this anymore, if you love me set me free. Please I gave you all I had to give, but it just was not enough. So please But I can’t take this anymore, if you love me set me free. Please But I can’t take this anymore, if you love me set me free. Please You can come over anytime you want I will be waiting, whether you care or not
7.
Nineteen 01:49

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released October 17, 2014

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R.J. O'Hara Dunedin, New Zealand

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